Friday, October 29, 2010

Days 18 and 19 - Real Spooky

i know what is real - really.
i can feel it
in my toes
in my head
in my belly

but really what's real is more than a feel
it can't be shadows
that's too silly
no one would spend their days
with puppets
in a cave

i know what i know and
although it's not too appealing
life as it is
it is mine
it is right
it is freeing
and i am living it

not staring at some wall
i know reality when i see it, after all

                                                                                                Day 18
(If you have never heard of the allegory of Plato's Cave, look it up on Wikipedia. I promise this will make more sense if you do.)

Some of you, dear friends, work with me so you know that Halloween at Karmak is a HUGE deal. So today's photograph captured what I think is really the heart and soul, meat and potatoes of a Karmak Halloween. Jimmy Lee, you are Halloween at Karmak!

                                                                                         Day 19
Safety and warmth, dear friends. Until we meet again.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Day 17 - You Didn't Tell Me You Were Gonna Kill It!

At work, we always go all out for Halloween and something new for the last couple years has been a pumpkin carving contest. I decided I try my hand at it this year so last week, we were given pumpkins. Beautiful, orange, Halloween pumpkins. Mine has this amazing flat side that will be perfect to carve up. It's squat and cute and that deep orange skin has been taunting me. I have moved it from the table to the counter, to the living room and back to the kitchen. It has sat on the washer, in my bay window, and for a moment, in my bathroom. It's been calling me - rife with infinite possiblities, thousands of glowing horrid faces, ghastly gouls, witches and cats and ghosts all calling out "EeEeEEEeeeEEezzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyyy" (Yes that is how ghosts spell my name in my head) and I turn away knowing it isn't the right time yet. Just not the right time . . . for the last five days, all I have wanted to do to my pumpkin is

Whoo! I feel better now!
Rest well friends and have a blessed tomorrow!

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Day 16 - A Blustery Day on Pooh Corner

I hope everyone battoned down the hatches and road the wind out somewhere cozy and safe. By the time I took my photo for the day most of the gusts had subsided, but you still get the picture (get it? It's a pun!)

I recently read a wonderful book called "The Tao of Pooh" by Benjamin Hoff. It is an introduction to Taoism explained using the stories of Whinnie the Pooh. I highly suggest it to anyone looking for a thought provoking yet easy read. The wind today made me think of the scene where Pooh goes to Owl's house. Owl chatters on and on about all these things he knows and Pooh - well he just mostly sits and listens. Then when Owl's house falls down, Pooh is the one with the idea to send Piglet for help. If there is any lesson in that for me it is that knowledge isn't eveything. I have been stuggling a lot lately because of (what I feel is) my lack of knowledge. But thinking about good ol' Pooh Bear makes me feel the tiniest bit better. There isn't anything wrong with being a little simple or in the dark. I am trying to be less bogged down but what I Don't Know. What I Need to Know, I already know. And that will be my saving grace in the end.
Blessings and peace dear friends.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Day 15 - blech!

My first thought for a photo for today was a toilet. I'd like to just flush it down. But when I took a photo of my toilet, it made me think of being sick more so than fed up. So here is my sink. I'd like to wash my hands of this day -

That's really all I have to say. No eloquence tonight, dear friends. Today was unequivocally the pits. (Except having lunch with Mom and the really sweet story Josh wrote me.)
Peace and safety through the windy gale!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Day 14 - Yep. It's Raining.

I took some senior portraits today - thankfully before the rain came. Had a great time, took tons of photos. I actually went ahead and snapped my 365 photo while I was waiting.

These boats were lined up all neat and patiently waiting for someone to come hop in and take off. They remind me a little of the weekend my dad got remarried. This was about 9 years ago now I think and at the time I wasn't speaking to him at all. The weekend he and my step-mom got married, I spent with my mom, brother, and some friends out at Beaver Dam camping. That evening when the sun had gone down and only the stars and a pale sliver of a moon lit the sky, one of our friends, Mike, suggested we take the canoe out on the lake for a little midnight spin. I can't tell you how calm and peaceful and beautiful the lake was that night. The canoe sliced through the water nearly silently and the sky coruscated with stars. After several months of intense frustration, confusion, denial, and certainly many more trying emotions for an eighteen year old girl, I had finally found a place of peace. Silence and utter knowledge that I was ok where I was, that time would heal some wounds - even if it left a few nasty scars - and that friends come in all shapes, sizes, and ages flooded me. That someone else's father took me to that place of peace made no difference. We were all just people. All made of the same stuff and all staring at the same twinkling sky and inky water.
My dad and I have a great relationship now. I am sorry I missed his wedding, but not sorry about finding that piece of peace. Funny how a few row boats can bring that back.
Sleep well, friends. Keep safe and dry from the storm.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Day 13 - The Rains They Are a'Comin'

Although autumn (the season) technically lasts from September 21 through December 21, the vivid foliage colors only last a couple weeks. When I woke this morning, partial cloud cover made for some absolutely delicious light and I decided to try to capture what I hoped would not be the last of the fall color this year. But lo and behold when I put the photos on my computer they were very greenish -  not fall-ish at all. You can imagine my disappointment as, by the time I realized this, it was dark. So I am praying for low winds and gentle rain tonight. I'm not, however, holding my breath. (A purple Ezzy would not be a good Ezzy.)
So instead of sharing a beautiful photograph documenting some of the last fall beauty this year, I will share one of photographs I took during a portrait session this afternoon -

The Root's - if any of you read this, thank you so much! I had a wonderful time this afternoon.

The thing about portrait photography is it is a natural high to me. Seeing people smile and interact with each other makes me feel like I have an in. I have the unique opportunity to capture someone as they truly are. Sure maybe the first few poses are a little stiff sometimes or maybe the wind is blowing too hard or the sun is shining in a wrong spot at the wrong time so the photo doesn't come out quite like I'd hoped, but at the end of each session, I get in the car and drive home smiling.
Thank you to any of you who have given me this beautiful opportunity and also to those of you I will photograph in the future. I am blessed that you allow me to capture your essence.

Well, dear friends, the rains are coming so snuggle up next to your loved ones and blessed dreaming!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Days 10, 11 and 12 - Thank God for Weekends and Techie Husbands

Wow. What an interesting set of days. Wednesday woke me gently and sweetly with a terrible sinus headache. Blech! There isn't much more to be said for Wednesday. My photograph for the day is of spaghetti noodles -

Look like brains, huh? That's all I could think of. How much my brain hurt.

Thursday was marginally better but I almost forgot to take a photograph! Luckily, my sweet Pablo P was posing adorably right before bed. Blog readers, meet my baby - Pablo Picasso Bouillon Schesvold -

He is 7 years old and very much a mommy's boy.

That brings us to today. Today is Friday thank goodness! With rain on the way I chose to photograph some fall leaves. They may not last much longer if the promised storms deliver. Living in the moment and enjoying it now isn't quite enough. So captured in the immortality of photographics, here is my breath of autumn -

A blessed evening friends. Enjoy this cool autumn evening.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Day 9 - About time for a rant . . .

I'm not a fan of politics. I don't keep up with them and typically, any information I have about a politician or his/her campaign I get from Josh who, thankfully, is way more informed than I. But today, I am having a REALLY?!?!? moment. So here it goes. Today when I got home form work I checked the mail and found this --

That's right. Not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR political fliers. REALLY?!?! Four? It wouldn't be a big deal but I have gotten at least two a day for the last two weeks and I have had it. All these stupid things do is cry and whine and moan about how the OTHER candidate is hurting Illinois. They're costing us all money. Let me lay it out for you, politicians. I. DON'T. CARE. Wayne Rosenthal, I don't care if Charlie Landers called your mom fat in the first grade! What are YOU going to do to fix Illinois?! Lady with the babies on the flier, I appreciate that you are against abortion, but are you also against trees? Do you all hate the environment? Because all you are doing with these stupid - yes I said STUPID - and wasteful fliers is playing a schoolyard game of he said/she said. I don't think any of you should win. My cat would make a better state rep than any of you if all you can do is bad-mouth each other. Shame on you all! Tell me what you are going to do to fix the schools, to create jobs, to do your stinking job! What is it about politics that is so attractive that the loudest richest mouth wins? When did it stop being about helping people? And why on earth is it so important to win the stupid thing that you have to drag each other through the mud?! Just be nice, for goodness sake! If I were Santa Claus, you wouldn't even get a lump of coal in your stocking - you'd get nothing! Campaign to me when you have something constructive to say - when you have actual ideas about how to fix my state. None of you gets my vote. Ezzy out!

Dear friends, what you have just witnessed is Ezzy going off. Any of you that are still reading, congratulations. You can wipe the spittle from your cheek and politely excuse yourself - I promise I will try to be better tomorrow. Blessed evening and restful sleep to you all.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Day 8 - Days like this are good for two things . . .

Today when I arrived home from work, rain was pittering and clouds darkened the sky and my mood. So my day 8 photo reflects a common saying around my house. Days like this are really only good for two things . . .

I hope your evening has been filled with warmth! Blessings!

Day 7 - Pile O' Punkins

So yesterday was my one week mark. I did it! One week down and 51 to go. I can honestly say I have been enjoying this photograph everyday. It's been exciting and freeing to take a bunch of photographs just because I want to. I don't have to make sure every one's eyes are open or that her hair isn't in his face or any of that other stuff that happens during a portrait session. Don't get me wrong - I LOVE all that. Portrait photography is like a natural high to me. People typically start out smiling because the camera is watching, but then they loosen up, and I have the unique privilege of capturing a personality. An essence. Something like that makes you feel like you really get it. This is what binds us together - not the fact that we're all made of the same stuff, but the essence. That quality or feeling or whatever it is that pushes a person to let down their guard and for a brief moment, let the lens see a true smile. A pure laugh. Real family love.
So, as I was leaving Springfield's Washington Park riding such a high after a photo shoot yesterday, I saw this amazing pile of discarded jack-o-lanterns, and - well, I don't know. It was just too awesome for words. I mean really, how often do you see this many used pumpkins?!?!

I know. They are kind of gross. The have flies on them. They probably smell pungent. But they are what they are - roasting in the warm sun on a cool Autumn day - being what they are. We wilt and we fade but we're still what we started out as - essences don't often change.

Stay tuned friends. Today's photo is coming after dinner!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Days 5 and 6 - Weird and Weirder

I didn't manage to post anything yesterday because I was putting together the contemporary service that is happening at my church tomorrow. But rest assured I did take my photograph -

Yesterday's theme was really "just make it to the weekend." Yes! (insert elbow-to-knee move here.) I did reach the weekend so literally, the sky is the limit! Click on this photo so you can see it bigger - there is actually detail in the moon and it is quite beautiful even if I do say so myself.

Today was a little harder. If I thought yesterday strained the edges of credulity (as in "I can't believe this is my life") then today did so even more. It started out pretty great. Waking up without an alarm blaring, cinnamon rolls and coffee for breakfast, photo session with a friend from work that went really well, gorgeous weather . . . what more could an autumn-loving wannabe photographer want? Well, not lethargy after lunch, I can tell you that. I don't know what it is about me that feels such a need to freeze when I have so much to do. I think really, I had a couple big projects I really wanted to tackle today and felt I had neither the time nor the resources to accomplish them. So I was a couch potato for a while then I worked on some computer stuff and then had a really nice dinner with my dad and Kelly, but it was still a strange and kind of disappointing day. But, on the plus side, here is what I have to make it better -

Behold my day 6 photo. That's Josh. He makes my life better. I don't know how he puts up with me. but he does. (My apologies to Scot - I didn't use your photo today, but I surely will at some point. I'm sorry for making you pose for me needlessly!)

Blessings on your weekend friends! May your travels be safe and your resting restful!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Day 4 - Of Death and Life

Cemeteries have the best trees - have you ever noticed? The branches always seem to stretch gnarly hands across the skies and block out just the perfect amount of light so the shadows playing across the grave stones are properly solemn . . . I did something new today. Since this project is about more than just taking photographs, I decided to branch out and walk over to Carlinville's Calgary Cemetery. Though I have lived here all my life, I had never been to this particular cemetery, and I thought it was about time. I found nothing remarkable there. I had no great epiphanies. We all think about death. I am no different. But as I wondered around all those crumbling monuments to our mortality, I did feel a little peaceful and fairly free. Here is what I made of it --

A Blessed Thursday friends!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Day 3 - Overload

Today has been overwhelming to say to least. Remnants of yesterday's headache mingles with the sinus pressure of changing weather and there I lay - on the war field of my own body's aches and pains. The Need-to's and Have-to's loom above me while the Want-to's cower in the corner and whimper when I change a glance their way.  Ok it probably isn't as bad as all that, but what is an artist if not a tortured soul? Here is my day 3 photo -

A mountain of books to represent the ever-growing treatise of will do and have to do and need to do that has inundated my brain of late. Overwhelming, isn't it? Also, I dropped this pile of books on my shoulder and it really hurt.

Happy Wednesday my friends and a restful night!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Day 2 - So Much Harder than Day 1!

So today was surprisingly more difficult than yesterday on several levels. On the immediate level, it was a little harder to come up with a photo idea today. On other levels, it was harder to get out of bed this morning, I've had a headache most of the day, code yellow on the work-stress-level-threat meter, etc. But on the way home I started thinking about what today was actually about. Josh is having some of his famed "Josh Time" tonight so I it finally hit me that today (and mostly this evening) is about me. So here I am --

 Yep - that's me - green eyes, dork glasses and all. Hi!  So, all about me . . . well, we have all year for that! But I'll give you one fun Ezzy-fact for the day. If I try, I can sing like a sponge monkey. Oh yes. It is as glorious as you are imagining in your head right now.

Enjoy your evenings friends! Love to you all!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Day 1 - October 11

A new adventure. Yes. That's what I will call it. Welcome to day 1 of my project 365! As some of you may know, I chose today to begin this project because it is my wedding anniversary. Only two years ago today, my wonderful hubby Josh and I took the plunge into wedded bliss. And I am so glad we did. Josh is my rock. He takes care of me and puts up with me and, best of all, he really gets me. I am somewhat of a quirky individual and sometimes, quite frankly - I annoy myself. But Josh knows me. He knows what to say when I'm down and how to make me laugh. I have been thinking about him a lot today so in honor of that, I submit Photo Number 1 of 365 -

year ii

year ii
fire by fire
stone by stone
 my world collapses in a heap
of weeping rubble. 
sleep slips past
and insomnia stays my eyelids.
vapid music and unrealistic expectations haunt my
scant and fitful rest as
family and
allies and
friends alike
fade slowly.
all that remains is my 
smoldering circle.

and then like a mirage
 – tremulous and translucent –
you appear.
shaking off the shimmer your arms wrap
tightly around me.
lips as cool as a
mother’s soft hand on a
feverish child’s forehead
press a kiss to my lips and you whisper “it is ok.”
stones always fall.  
the world is constantly burning.
but when I see you standing there
 and feel your lips
  and arms
   and hands
    and face
     and heart,
nothing else matters.

the world can fade far into the abyss and all is fine
while you are my rock.

Yep. Those are our wedding rings. And the cork is from a bottle of wine we tried to have with dinner. (I say tried to have because we didn't like it. It was Eiswine and it was a beautiful wine, but it tasted like rotten grapes - not fermented grapes and we couldn't drink it. But that's ok.)  And the poem is the poem I wrote for Josh as an anniversary gift. It's all about Josh and I today . . . are you getting that?

Well, ok friends. I will bid you adieu for the evening. Rest well and have a blessed tomorrow!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

On the Cusp of . . .

Hmmm. On the cusp of a change? inspiration? an epiphany? Well, I guess I am on the cusp of something and that is what matters most. I've seen the idea of a Project 365 pop up here and there as I have perused the Internet in my spare time, but it wasn't until a few days ago that I really started to think about and consider doing it. As I understand it, a Project 365 is one year of your life where you take at least one photo every day for a year to document your life. Sounds simple enough - simple enough to start anyway. I know me better than almost anyone, so when I decided to undertake this challenge, I knew I would need an incentive to finish what I start - hence my plunge into the wonderful world of blogging.
Life has been really hard lately and for the past couple years there has been this nagging feeling that I am not doing exactly what I should be. I'm like that photograph you want to frame but I am just a hair too small to fit in the mat and every time you walk past me hanging on the wall, you think "gee, what a neat photo" but you really walk away wishing you had the time and inclination to cut a new mat. In other words - really really close but just not quite right. So, the question has become - what am I supposed to be doing? Where do I fit in? Well, to answer that question, we must first answer a couple more basic questions. Where do I want to be? What do I want out of life? Who AM I?

(Notice the dramatic line break? Oh yeah - I did that on purpose.) I can't answer that question. I am not quite sure who I am right now. But in this next year, I am hoping to find out. No more quiet Ezzy being swept away with the tide. No more punk one day and princess the next! My husband Josh would say "I am a fork-potato-foot no more!" (Don't ask - just trust me.) So here I go. Coming October 11, Project 365 - Ezzy Schezzy style!