Simplifying

Good evening dear friends. It's been quite a while since I've posted. And tonight I'm not posting any photos. I just wanted to share what's been going on in my life.

A couple months ago I started to realize something - all the projects, the groups, the stress, drama, and any endless number of things were piling. Building. Growing into a monster that threatened to consume my very being. And the belly of the beast was not somewhere I could stomach residing. Something had to give and fast.

You see, I think I had started to lose sight of the important things in life - including myself! What little self-confidence I once had was gone. Things I loved had become chores. I didn't know what I wanted except to run away and start over.

Now, obviously it didn't come to that. But when I made a list of all the things I had told myself I "had" to do, I realized that it was too much for one person. Even a wonder-Ezzy like myself couldn't be held to those expectations and succeed. Simplification became the goal. I thought that by stripping away all those things and becoming a basic being, I could regain some of my former self; or maybe I would find something better. Maybe I would learn more about who I am becoming.

It's not been easy. All those things still seem to call to me. They whisper "we need you" and they give me puppy eyes as I pass them on the streets. My dreams are more and more vivid the less I sleep and thinking about myself and who I am and who I was and who I want to be all swirl into this amalgam-ous blob of green eyes, tattoos, cameras, phone calls, paints, and a squillion other things. But it's getting better. I'm working on centering myself. Focusing on what I really NEED out of my life. What makes me happy? What do I return to time and again?

It's not an easy journey I'm on. Some days I wonder if this quest is any different than sitting at my proverbial home and wishing I was questing. But it's the trying, in my opinion. It's the path I'm walking and whether I'm ten feet from my front door or half way to any another galaxy via a blue police box at least I'm doing something.

So if you've wondered where I am, missed me, or otherwise noticed a far-away weird look in my eyes, don't worry. It'll pass. I'm still me. And "me" is a character in motion. I'm wearing my walking shoes and no matter where I go, I know I have myself at least. I'll see you along the way.

All my love, dear friends. Hoping to post some photos soon. Have a peaceful evening and blessed tomorrow.

Days 151-152 - A Surprise and the Coffee House

Hello dear friends! I have missed you all. I hope your lives are going well. I realize what a long time it's been since I posted any of my photos but I assure you I have not been slacking! Tonight I will pick up where I left off and promise not to take quite so long in sharing my work henceforth!

Tonight I am going to talk about changes. Change is kind of a scary subject - it's hard to break out of a pattern and try something new. But change happens and often it's not the change we expect. There have been a lot of changes in the last few months for Josh and I and, moreover, for the people around us.

The change in tonight's post refers to a dear friend of ours - Fr John Bettmann. Many of you know I was participating in a four year course called EFM - Education for Ministry. For those of you who are not familiar with the program, it is a wonderful experience. We discuss the Bible, it's history, and it's implications on our lives, as modern Christians living in the real world. Josh and I went through year 1 last year where we met some new and very dear friends. One of these people is Fr John. Fr John has a wealth of knowledge and is willing to share it with anyone willing to listen. He has been a huge advocate for the EFM program and a great spiritual inspiration to me. He and his amazing wife Elisabeth retired and moved to North Carolina. Sad as I am to see them go, I know this change will be good for them. This photo is Fr John learning that the rocking chair in which he is sitting is our EFM class' going away gift to him.

Best of luck, John and Elisabeth! God speed!

Day 152 was a pretty exciting day too. The Federated Church played host to a "Coffee House" and many community musicians were there to provide live music. This photo is of one of Carlinville's finest harmonica players and former college art teacher to me.

Well, that's me for this evening dear friends! Rest well have a blessed tomorrow!

Day 150 - Ash Wednesday

I was raised in a Southern Baptist church - religiously speaking. Growing up, Easter meant a large crowd at church on Easter Sunday, lunch at Grandma's and Aunt Shirley's, egg hunts, and one year - a cantata. I won't say I had a low opinion of Easter, but in my mind, it was a "lesser" holiday that came and went largely unnoticed.
Then I joined the Federated Church here in Carlinville and for many years, my view of Easter continued. Then a few years ago, something wonderful happened. My pastor asked me to join the "Worship Team" at church. As we sat around the table discussing and planning an Ash Wednesday Service, I actually felt moved to attend. And when I got home, I was moved to write a song. My pastor and others on the committee talked about Ash Wednesday and all the symbolism tied to it. This was stuff I hadn't ever really delved into, but, as I said, I was extremely moved.
I have attended the Ash Wednesday service at church every year since then. And it moves me every time. Easter has become so much more to me - more than large crowds, candy, and eggs. It's more than a day I thank the Lord for the risen Christ. It's a whole season of self reflection. It has become a time to think about my life and my relationship with God. And let me tell you - Easter means so much more to me now thanks to Ash Wednesday.
So to kick off this season of Lent, I brought my trusty camera and took a few photos of my church-mates receiving ashes while my pastor in a low and loving voice declared, "from ashes you came and to ashes you shall return."

Blessing dear friends, in this season of Lent and always. I pray this spring brings you closer to what you are looking for.

Day 148-149 - Down Days

There isn't much to say about these early week photographs. On Day 148 (also known as March 7) I actually couldn't really think of anything to photograph. Yeah - I think I had a photo block. So I snapped a quick shot of the first thing I saw - my vaccuum cleaner.

I know. It's not even interesting. But we all have those days. A wise man once told me, "We can't be up all the time." I whole-heartedly agree. It's hard being in the down time but we really need those lows in order to process the highs. Besides, they don't stick around terribly long usually.
The next day was another down day but more in the sense that Josh and I both stayed home from work not feeling well. My day was cheered a little by a late birthday present I got in the mail from my baby bro.

He got me the book - not the flash. I was just trying to be artsy. I haven't made it all the way through the book, but I am photograhing a wedding this weekend and this should help immensely. Thanks Stot!

Well dear friends, that's all the wisdom I have to impart for this evening. Sweet dreams and blessed tomorrows to all!

Day 146-147 - A Nice Weekend

The first weekend in March was a really relaxing weekend as I remember it. Josh and I went to brunch at Abella's - a local family style diner which serves breakfast all day and Memphis style pulled BBQ. Luckily I had my camera with me so I could click a quick shot of Josh's little piece of artwork for the day.

Girls, you are never married too long to appreciate the little things. Isn't he a gem?! (I won't tell you how he blushed when others in the restaurant started staring after seeing my camera flash.)

The weekend was pretty uneventful. I did some more week on my art project on Sunday. Here is another piece of it.



I am hoping to have it completed this weekend. Watch for photos!

I hope your days are going well dear friends! Stay warm and may your Saturday afternoon be relaxing and blessed.

Days 142-145 - Book Club

I recently joined a book club. I had never belonged to one before so when I saw a posting on the intranet at work I jumped on it. I used to love to read when I was in school but lately I haven't been reading like I once was. But then last year I set a goal to read 10 books. I made the goal easily and set a higher goal of 15 books for this year. My book club meets once a month and we take turns hosting. March 4 was my turn to host. I love having people over. I truly enjoy entertaining, but I am a little anal and prefer the house to be perfectly in order before people come over. Well, that didn't quite happen this time, but the house was clean enough and everything went well so I consider it a success! Here are the photos from my cleaning days (142-144) and the night of book club.

I know it's just a boring little light bulb - it's actually the bulb that blew out in my refrigerator - but it's kind of cool looking. I want to take it out at sunset and have someone hold it so it looks like the sun is setting in it. Now that would be an interesting photo!

Sweep sweep sweep the floor. Make it nice and clean!

Each time we meet, we choose one or two books for the next meetings so we have time to buy and read them. Here is the "hat" with our choices.

And finally - a vital part of book club. The wine!



I had quite the stressful weekend dear friends so this is all you get tonight. I am finally close to getting you caught up on the amazing exciting life of Ezzy so expect more posts this week. Until then, enjoy the warm weather, sweet dreams, and blessed tomorrows!

Day 114-141 - February

Well, February sure did fly by and I am still not caught up! Here is my birth month in review.

Cabin fever! (This is a wall in my kitchen. It looks like a cabin.)

The ice hanging from mirror reminded me of Dali's melting clocks. My car was a work of art!

I call this "Encased" and like Ron Burgundy, this twig is in a glass case of emotion.

This is the wine I drank at book club. I was playing with the manual settings on my camera.

Josh and I got a couple new bookcases with some of our Christmas money. Not only were the instructions extremely difficult to follow, this pile of junk is all the left over parts we had. But the shelves are still standing. I take that as a good sign.

This is the booth I shared with a videographer at the wedding show in Litchfield. He and I are teaming up to offer a one-stop-shop for affordable wedding video and photography. Check it out at http://www.civideography.com/.

For the first time in a long time, I have been working on an art project other than photography. It feels really good. Here are some of the materials I am using. Keep your eyes pealed for subsequent steps and soon, the finished product!

I had the pleasure of having coffee with a dear friend of mine who is getting married in July. I am the photographer for her wedding. She handed me their save-the-date and when I got home and went to hang it on the refrigerator, I realized A LOT of people we know are getting married right now. Here is a pile of save-the-dates.

This is Josh working on writing his novel. I asked for a chapter of it for my birthday. He did not disappoint!

Another piece of my art project ...

Today I had my Rocky Horror Picture Show cherry popped. It literally blew my mind. It raped my mind.

And I liked it.

This is Ellie. She is Kelly and Dad's puppy.

Still recovering from the awesome weirdness that is Rocky Horror Picture Show, I tried to return my brain to normalcy with some sudoku. Whether it worked is any one's guess!

Valentine's Day was on a Monday this year so there wasn't too much romantic I felt we could do. So I drew a heart in the snow, took a photo of it, and gave Josh a card with this picture on it. Awww.

I think I was feeling particularly unattractive this day. Maybe playing with camera settings ... not really sure on this one.

Ilsa was in big trouble this day. Pablo was the good cat. Here he is getting a drink from the bathtub faucet.

The sun was creating such an interesting affect on the wheel of my old car. I love how the rusty wheel innards thing contrasts with the silvery plastic of the hubcap or whatever it's called. (Like my technical car terms?)

On a quick trip to Goodwill to procure art supplies, we found this tea pot. We paid a couple bucks for this awesome piece of kitchenware. Goodwill rocks! 

More work on my art project. Book lovers avert your eyes. I did tear pages out of books.

Ummm, took some photos? I'm not sure what this is about.

Shamrock shakes are back at McDonald's! Huzzah!

I don't remember what happened this day but I was so very excited when Josh got home. This is his hoodie. When I am feeling down, I like to wear it - it's like being wrapped up in him.

Must've had music on the mind ...

My husband - NOT a cat person.

Finished a huge project. I was so relieved!

Did some photos with Bob and Terri. We did their engagement session at the Anderson Mansion in Carlinville. As we were leaving I snapped a photo of this windmill. Because it's cool.

I was messing with the white balance on my camera and came up with this photo. The only manipulation outside the camera was to resize it. Cool, huh? 

And this was my birthday.

Woo! Done! Well, that was February. I promise I will try to do better with March. Sweet dreams dear friends and have a blessed tomorrow!

Days 104-113 - The Rest of January

Good evening dearest friends. I hope this chilly Saturday evening finds you well. We spent a pretty relaxing day around the house. I finished a couple really large projects this week and am starting to feel caught up - or a reasonable approximation at least. So here is a little more catching up! Enjoy the rest of my January photos.

I spent some time scrap booking on Day 104. As I recall, I didn't get much done.

Hmmm ... messing with camera settings maybe?

Oh yes, I remember this one. I looked and Josh and said, "Do you want some ice cream?" He said sure he did. So we bundle up in our coats and mittens and hop in the car. As we are sitting in the Dairy Queen drive-through with the heat on full blast, I said, "This is stupid." We laughed really hard. I remember I got a hot fudge sundae - that was the warmest ice cream I could get.

This is my MP3 player. I'm not sure why it was my photo for the day, but there you go.

I took this after my first yoga practice. Three words - I LOVE YOGA. Sue, if you read this, thanks so much for inviting me. You are an awesome teacher!

This is one of the bluest skies we'd seen in many weeks. Those pretty clouds gave me hope and warmth.

Those are M&M's on the foot board of my bed. Not much else to say about them.

Today I went shopping for jeans. It was a beautiful day! I traveled to Springfield and had a lovely time with myself. And I got some new jeans. Which you see here.

Mom got us this amazing coffee maker for Christmas. We use it so much! There is no pot - the coffee filters into a tank and you press your mug against the silver button you see here to dispense the coffee.

Just a reminder that winter was still here.

And just like that, January is posted! Thank you dear friends for hanging in there with me and reading. Have sweet dreams and blessed tomorrow!

Validation

Today I am most grateful for validation. This has nothing to do with my normal blog posts or my Project 365, but I felt it was necessary to share. I stopped by Wally-World after work today to pick up something for dinner. The girl that checked me out was very pleasant and mentioned she had only a half hour until it was time to go home. I remarked that the last half hour is always the longest 30 minutes of the day. We went back and forth a couple times and by the time I left, we were giggling like a couple of old friends. See, I think what people need sometimes more than anything else is someone to commiserate, someone to agree that they have legitimate gripes, to validate their opinions about the world around them. Now, I am in no way suggesting that it's a good idea to do this all the time or to encourage excessively negative people, but when Jesus said to love your neighbor, I'm pretty sure it was a partial endorsement of this commiseration I am talking about. This world is big and scary and you know what? Growing up is hard. It's a big complicated mess that often makes little or no sense, isn't fair, is even cruel. So how else do we make it through than by relating to those around us? What better way to get validation that I'm not the only one scared and confused and tired? Some days, all you need is someone to pat you on the back and tell you that yes - your situation is crappy and the jerks who imposed it upon you are truly plotting against you. In that simple reassurance, a relationship, however brief, emerges and blooms.

That's just my thought for the day. I don't know that I'll be able to photograph that idea but I had to share. Photos to follow later dear friends.

Days 98-103 - The Plague Comes to Walnut Street

Ok. Maybe i am exaggerating a little. But I was seriously ill for a whole week and I am still playing catch up. I am behind on editing photos and I even had to dip into vacation time at work to cover it. Blech! I kept taking my photos though. (If you ask me, you can tell I was sick, but I did take my photos!)

This ottoman is all I saw all day the Sunday after our Bensenville weekend. I laid and slept on the couch all day.

This was mostly what I saw on Monday. Yes I know the photo is blurry. The whole day was pretty much like that.

Tuesday I attempted to go to work and only made it an hour and a half before coming home and laying on the couch the rest of the day.

Without a voice, I braved my day job in customer support, stayed till 8pm to try to get caught up with my department then came home and collapsed into bed. Josh brought home this vaporizer. It really helped.

But not enough to ensure my return to work on Thursday. Here are my drugs of choice.

This is the first meal I could taste for days! Go Beefy Stroganoff!

That's all I have for this evening, dear friends. Sweet dreams and a tomorrow filled with blessings for you all.