Good evening dear friends. It's been quite a while since I've posted. And tonight I'm not posting any photos. I just wanted to share what's been going on in my life.
A couple months ago I started to realize something - all the projects, the groups, the stress, drama, and any endless number of things were piling. Building. Growing into a monster that threatened to consume my very being. And the belly of the beast was not somewhere I could stomach residing. Something had to give and fast.
You see, I think I had started to lose sight of the important things in life - including myself! What little self-confidence I once had was gone. Things I loved had become chores. I didn't know what I wanted except to run away and start over.
Now, obviously it didn't come to that. But when I made a list of all the things I had told myself I "had" to do, I realized that it was too much for one person. Even a wonder-Ezzy like myself couldn't be held to those expectations and succeed. Simplification became the goal. I thought that by stripping away all those things and becoming a basic being, I could regain some of my former self; or maybe I would find something better. Maybe I would learn more about who I am becoming.
It's not been easy. All those things still seem to call to me. They whisper "we need you" and they give me puppy eyes as I pass them on the streets. My dreams are more and more vivid the less I sleep and thinking about myself and who I am and who I was and who I want to be all swirl into this amalgam-ous blob of green eyes, tattoos, cameras, phone calls, paints, and a squillion other things. But it's getting better. I'm working on centering myself. Focusing on what I really NEED out of my life. What makes me happy? What do I return to time and again?
It's not an easy journey I'm on. Some days I wonder if this quest is any different than sitting at my proverbial home and wishing I was questing. But it's the trying, in my opinion. It's the path I'm walking and whether I'm ten feet from my front door or half way to any another galaxy via a blue police box at least I'm doing something.
So if you've wondered where I am, missed me, or otherwise noticed a far-away weird look in my eyes, don't worry. It'll pass. I'm still me. And "me" is a character in motion. I'm wearing my walking shoes and no matter where I go, I know I have myself at least. I'll see you along the way.
All my love, dear friends. Hoping to post some photos soon. Have a peaceful evening and blessed tomorrow.